|Since 2067, our company has provided products and services to the great unwashed masses of the Solar System. With the dawning of the Diamond Age of Enlightenment (formerly known as the New World Order) it has become necessary for a unified governing presence to be established within our society. PodarCo will be that presence. As CEO of PodarCo, I, Skippy Tubenburble Podar IV, will lead our society to greatness through hardwork, firm leadership, and an endless supply of homemade chocolate chip cookies.|
|Our Corporate "To-Do" List|
|Corporate Goal||Status||Completion Date|
|Organize a Million-Man Army in Borneo & Sri Lanka||DONE||Aug. 25, 2167|
|Acquire 8 Trillion dollars in Gold to fund massive war machine||DONE||May 9, 2171|
|Taint global water supply with mood-altering chemicals||DONE||Feb. 3, 2185|
|Take control of global satellite communications system||DONE||Oct. 12, 2192|
|Sell Canada to China for $2.00 per acre||IN WORK||Sep. 22, 2205
|Buy the Internet||IN WORK||Oct. 1, 2205
|Establish Martian district of Pavonis Mons as governmental seat||PENDING||Jan. 1, 2206|
|Acquire the distribution rights to all the Hydrogen in the Universe||PENDING||Jan. 1, 2210|
|Our Million Man Army|
|On the 200th anniversary of our founder's birth, we completed Project "A Million-Men, Count'Em... One Million". August 25th has always been an important date in history. It was the date in 79 AD when Mt. Vesuvius erupted, destroying the ancient cities of Pompeii and Herculaneum. And it was also the birthday of several notables: Sean Connery, Leonard Bernstein and everyone's favorite TV personality... Regis Philbin.|
|Where WE are with respect to those EARTH people|
Our location in the Solar System is perfect for government. We're not as
close to the Sun as Mercury and Venus, and we far enough away from Earth
that all their loud rock-n-roll music won't keep us awake at night.
For years, Earth has posed a problem for Martian residents. Not only are we constantly bombarded by their horrible TV programming, but they keep sending wave after wave of tourists who not only clutter our spaceports but they smell like wet potato chips.
|Earth: Invade us... PLEASE!|
As much as I like Mars, I must say one of the most beautiful planets I've
visited is Earth. Each planet has its own style, but there's something
about Earth that just makes me feel squishy inside. Maybe it's the
oceans, or possibly it's all those fluffy white clouds.
Anyway, if you ever get a chance to visit it, I highly recommend a little place called Hawaii.
Earth will make a splendid addition to my collection. I wonder how much they're selling it for on E-Bay.
|Earth at Night|
Now, as pretty as Earth is, they do have one little problem. Light
pollution. It's a wonder anybody sees stars at night with all those cities
lighting up the place.
Oh, alright... the lights are pretty. But still...it makes astronomical observations from Earth even more difficult. Observing from Earth's Moon is the next best thing to an orbiting telescope.
|Saturn: PodarCo's largest acquisition to date|
Here's a planet we acquired just a few years ago. We paid $74 trillion for
it on E-Bay.
Its atmosphere is primarily comprised of methane and other organic compounds, but the big selling point was that it's over 8 times larger than Earth.
By the way, did you notice the rings? We like the rings. Rings are pretty. All the planets should have rings, don't you think? Rings help us play!
|Mars: Our Corporate Headquarters|
Well, gee. What can I say about the old home world? We've lived here for
almost 8 generations and still no running water.
Our corporate office is located in the Pavonis Mons district of the Tharsis Ridge. If you're in the area, please feel free to pay us a visit. The skiing is great this time of year.
Mars may be dusty and cold, but it's home and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Besides, we have two moons! Try to top THAT, Earthlings!
Last updated: February 9th, 2001