Top Ten Good Things About Valentine's Day

10.  Extra staffing means no waiting on the Suicide Hotline.

 9.  St. Valentine, the man who started it all.  The bastard died a horrible,
	violent death.

 8.  Hallmark's new line of "Happy Valentine's Day: I'm Dumping Your Sorry
	Ass" greeting cards.

 7.  No one to buy a gift for?  Take the money you would have spent and 
	donate it to help feed homeless people.  You can feel smug about
	it for WEEKS afterward.

 6.  Special OJ Simpson Valentine's Day Edition of the Enquirer.

 5.  Give retailers a chance to unload more useless crap between Christmas
	and Easter.

 4.  Nothing to do that night gives you a chance to catch up on those
	episodes of 'Blossom' you've been taping.

 3.  You can special-order candy hearts with personalized messages like
	'Bite Me' and 'Die, Bitch'.

 2.  Provides lots of anecdotal evidence for people who support waiting
	periods on handgun purchases.

 1.  When you finally get to hell, it won't seem NEARLY as bad.


MBBS/Board 12/Valentine's Day:  "What?  You say nobody loves you?  Cool!
				 Let's make a holiday and *celebrate* that
				 fact!"


(Courtesy of John "Latoya" Bollinger - VENKMAN - 2/14/95)

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