Vaxtrek: The Interview


Greetings all!  Below is a Question and Answer session between our reporter
(Soylent Greene) and TREKKERPRISEMAN.

TREKKER = David Shlafer, 
ENTERPRISE = Jim Albury, 
VENKMAN = John "Is That Blouse Felt" Bollinger.

Soylent's questions are preceded by  the letter "Q", 
Trekker's responses are preceded by the letter "T" and 
Enterprise's  by the letter "E". 

Venkman's additions are preceded by the letter V, and are usually 
	prefaced with 'Bite me'.

Enjoy!  8)


Q:  Greetings, Gentlemen!
E:  Hello, Soylent!
T:  I'm offended.
V:  Bite me...I mean...Hi!

Q:  What prompted you to write a science fiction parody? 
T:  Fame.
E:  Glory.
V:  Hooters!

Q:  What was Vaxtrek like in the beginning?  I noticed the very first episode
        (Encounter at Nopoint) is in the narrative.  And the second part (Best 
        of Both Smorgasborks) has shifting writing if more than one 
        person wrote it.  Were they're actually multiple writers?  And if so... 
        how did you cope with continuity?

E:  Continuity?!  HA!  I'll let Trekker field THAT one! 

T:  In the beginning VAXTREK was nothing more than a way to put my friends in 
	a unique place where their personalities would be showcased.  The 
	first episode - written in the narrative - was intended to be a more 
	subtle parody, rather than outright silliness.

V:  Then we realized our friends didn't HAVE any personality....

Q:  Did having your friends as the characters make a difference in being able
        to tell a dramatic yet fun-filled story?

T:  As you'll note in the first installment, the story is choppy, and the 
	original plot is never finished.  This was due to several people 
	posting on a bulletin board with a 20-line limit.  It wasn't until 
	Vaxtrek 3 that the 20-line limit was overcome.  In the first 
	installment, especially in the latter half, you'll see weird story 
	tangents.  This is where other people put in their $.02.

V: Yeah, the first one sucked, but people bought it, so we made another one
	that still sucked.  By then people were starting to get annoyed, so 
	we put out a third one that was barely adequate.  No, wait...
	that's not Vaxtrek...I'm thinking of MS-DOS.  Hmmmm...nevermind.

E:  Mmmm...DOS.  8)
Q:  Like actual Star Trek episodes, do you tackle difficult issues like racism,
        poverty, and violence?

T:  Nope.  We just swear alot and have an underlying sexual theme.

V:  Notice how I'm never the one who's underlying....

E: question.
Q:  Why did you guys write so many Vaxtreks? 

T:  A release from the stress of college.  (And our friends liked seeing 
	their name in a story.)

E:  For me it was an exercise of my right of Free Speech!  That is what makes
	America great!  

V:  Why did Michelangelo paint the Sistine Chapel?  Why did Sir Edmund Hilary
    climb Mt. Everest?  Why did the druids build Stonehenge?  Why?  I'll tell
    you why:  because they had too much free time, that's freakin why!

Q:  What's the deal with Vaxtrek VII: The ORDER? 

T:  That was the most fun to write.

E:  You see, we had a REALLY tight budget on that one.  $3.15 from what I
	remember.  Our usual budget is closer to $5.00, but with the cast
	becoming unionized, and all the hookers for the stage crew, it was
	just too much to handle after Vaxtrek 6.  So...we kinda laid low for
	an episode.  I think we did a good job, don't you?  8)

V:  Any other questions for which you'd like a totally unrelated answer?  8)

Q:  It seems as if your team pioneered the ASCII Graphic movement.  What are
        your feelings on how graphics can add to comedic story telling?

T:  I'll let Jim handle that one...

E:  One word: filler.  When you get paid by the line, those ASCII graphics
    	suddenly become miiiighty helpful.  We got a lot of help from
	Industrial Light and Freddings on that one.

V:  I let them do all the ASCII ships and stuff.  I spent my time in an
    	ultimately futile attempt to make the nude Amy Grant ASCII graphic.

Q:  Will Admiral Trekker ever have a love interest? 

T:  He has several hundred love interests.

V:  You may know them as the cast of La Cage Aux Folles.

E:  Hehehe... 8)

Q:  Will Ensign Podar ever get promoted?

E:  I hope so.  But it's kind of a running joke that no matter how many times
        he saves the ship, he never gets a promotion.  He IS the most popular 
        character in the MY opinion.  8)

T:  Depends on the bribe he can offer...

V:  What does that guy want???  He gets more lines than anybody else!  Maybe
    he'd like to be promoted to 'Admiral Podar, commander of Sound Stage 87
    (waaaaaay down at the end there)'.  Now get out of my office, you weasel!

Q:  And who is Madame Fong?

E:  Oh...she's our sponsor.  You see, when we were looking for a place to put
        Vaxtrek, Board #11 seemed to be the best place.  Although Trekker was 
        the Board Op, but we lacked the financial backing.  Heh...the 20 Line 
        posting limit was a problem too.  She made sure that all the episodes 
        were given the highest consideration for bandwidth, and all the 
        sponsors were generously compensated.  8)

T:  I still don't know what a madame fong is...

V:  Madame Fong doesn't exist.  That's just a slang term for the narcotics
    	the writers used.  ("Man, I am just totally blocked today....let's see
    	if Madame Fong has any ideas....*snicker*")


Q:  Which is YOUR favorite Vaxtrek?

T:  I'd have to say #4.  I think it had the best battle scenes that ASCII can 

E:  Vaxtrek 9: C'est La Z!  I've never written so fluidly for so long about so
        little. 8)  (See VVC)

V:  I'd have to say it was 6, just because in one of the ASCII graphics, the
    	background stars form a perfect constellation of Newt Gingrich wearing
    	a spandex brassiere and holding a pitchfork in his hand.  You really 
	have to look for it, but it is definitely there.  It helps if you've 
	just visited 'Madame Fong'....


Q:  What was your most EMBARRASSING Vaxtrek Moment?

E:  The Lime Jello incident was pretty bad.  However, it did make for a really
        great running gag!  Hey...CONDOR even wrote a song parody about it!  
        "Tastes Like Lime Jello" - sung to the tune "Smells Like Teen Spirit" 
        by Nirvana.

T:  The entire VAXTREK 9.

V:  Fortunately, this never actually appeared in the story, but I once wrote
    	a scene about Dr. Fievel developing a special type of nanite for use as
    	an impotency cure, and it turns out the nanites are accidentally 
    	programmed to build little nanite cities instead....and to make a long
    	story short, let's just say I invented the word 'penopolis'.  But the
    	other writers were smart enough to not include the scene....not that I
    	would have cared, since I'm pretty sure I was tanked at the time....


Q:  Do you think they're will ever be a Vaxtrek 11, or Vaxtrek: The Next

E:  I'm throwing together a few ideas.  Vaxtrek 11 was supposed to have the
        title: "Everything You Wanted To Know About Sex But Were Afraid The 
        Answer Would Involve TREKKER".  So...we might just go with a Vaxtrek: 
        Generations sort of slant.  I still have to bounce a few ideas off 

T:  Maybe...but I'd like to take a shot at Babylon 5 next.  It's a great 
	show that's ripe for parody.

V:  Personally, I always thought it would be fun to combine a parody of
    	ST:TOS, the tribble episode, with a parody of 'Wall Street Week'.  You
    	can just imagine the hilarious possibilities, can't you?  Well, if you
    	can't, then maybe you need to visit Madame Fong....


Q:  Have you ever contemplated filming one of these stories? 

E:  Yes...but the production costs would be extraordinary!  I mean, for
	TREKKER's hairpiece alone, you much would you say, Dave?

T:  You'd need a budget of about 10 billion dollars.

V:  Yeah, and if any studio was ever dumb enough to give us that kind of
    	money, we'd be on a plane to South America faster than you could say
    	'no extradition treaty'.  

Q:  What are your aspirations for the future, as far as writing is concerned? 

E:  Well!  I'd like to write a story about two prostitutes who fight crime on 
	New York's mean streets.  They'll team up with Ike Turner and strike 
	fear in the hearts of wrong doers everywhere.  I was thinking of 
	calling it, "Turner and Hoochie".  8)

T:  Ask me in 20 years...

V:  I'd like to write a C program that would take a name file and create
    	random Vaxtrek stories.  It's the same technology that Microsoft uses
    	for its Windows95 help files.

Q:  Well thank you very much for you time gentlemen, and much luck in the

E:  Thank you, Soylent.

T:  Don't smoke.  Bye!

V:  Bye bye now.  Nice talking to you.....hey, wait a minute....are those
    	*MY* pants?  Come back here!


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